fatty

So Nathan went home today because he has to work tonight and I already miss him. It is much easier though now that I am not pregnant for him to be gone. Granted I am still a little sad but not crazy depressed like I was when I was pregnant. lol. Anyways, I don't have to go to the library here to use the computer because Mike and Ali have one at their house. I don't really have too much to say. I saw Christa, Sterling, and Terra yesterday and that was fun. Later in the evening My Christa and Terra came over here to visit which was fun. Indiana is having trouble coping with being in a new environment, I am really hoping that after a few more days she will feel a little bit better about being here. I have a birthday party for Evan to go to today. I hope that Indi enjoys it. I miss my brother Brian a lot. I hope that he is happy. I am assuming he is because he always has a pretty positive outlook about things. I am proud of him all the time but I still miss him. It is nice being back in town, but it sucks that I don't have a car or anything. Winter sucks for going places, especially with Indi, because I have to get her bundled up really well and make sure that I have a blanket over the stroller so that she doesn't get chilled by the wind. But anyways, I am hoping to lose about 50 lbs before the wedding, I think that if I try really hard I can attain my goal. I already went to the grocery store and got a bunch of good for you food or whatever. I just have to get myself to exercise. I am also trying to quit smoking soon... I got some of those patch thingys and I hope that they do the trick. :D I have to teach myself to stick to my goals. I am not exactly sure how, but I guess I just have to keep telling myself that these things are good for me and for Indi in the long run. I don't think she would be very happy to have a lazy fatass as a mother. I guess when you have kids these things become more important. I have so much that I want to do with her and it is important that I keep working towards my goals. I have never been very good at that sort of thing, but I am going to try really hard. After my cigarettes are gone I won't be able to get anymore anyways because I spent all my money on my groceries for the next few weeks. So that is helpful in not smoking. I was thinking that after they are gone I will keep myself from asking anyone for a smoke. I am going to just keep telling myself that it is important for my future as a wife and mother. Exercising on the other hand.... I haven't figured out how I am going to get my fat ass in the mood to do it. I don't have much ambition. But I was thinking maybe all the good food that I have now will give me more energy than what I am used to having from all the fatty unhealthy foods that I have always eaten. I also bought some hoodia which hopefully will speed things up for me. I hate that I let myself get this way. It started in Florida when I got my first job at McDonalds and ate there every day and from then on I just started gaining and gaining. Then I lost a bunch of weight a few years later, leading my friends to think that I was anorexic or something, which I wasn't, but then I gained it all back again. I just keep getting lazier and lazier. Ugh what is wrong with me. Anyways, I just have to get a new way of thinking and hopefully everything will work out. Well that is all for now.