Wedding Day Blues

Well I am finally back in Coudersport for a couple of weeks which is pretty cool. :D I have soooo much work to do while I am here! I have to replan Nathan's and my wedding. What a catastrophe that has become. It is funny how you think that it will be such a wonderful experience to marry the person that you are in love with but lately it has become hell. We were planning to marry in Ocean City, and we were getting everything ready and we were very excited, but then we got a call on the phone from Nathans aunt Nelly and she was saying that nobody could afford to come down and this and that, but I am not going to get into great detail about that, but anyways, we started thinking that we were selfish and that everybody here had come to a concesus of that. We didn't want to be selfish and have everybody spend money they didn't have or to be mad at us. So I called everybody up and cancelled everything. I don't know maybe it is just my general paranoia that everyone hates me and that I just want to please them all. Well anyways, as I said we ended up canceling everything down in Maryland and decided to replan the wedding for Coudersport. We really thought that that would make everyone happy and they wouldn't think we were so selfish. But then come to find out, after we changed all the plans, that everyone is planning to come down to Ocean City anyways... so we start getting calls from a bunch of people saying oh why don't you just have the wedding down there and blah blah blah. Not only that but Nelly, the originator of the reason we canceled everything is all like... "I don't understand why they don't just have the wedding down there, it will be cheaper for them rather than coming all the way up here." UGH!! In my opinion, she originally just wanted us to get married at the G-Tab and that is why she created such a fuss about it in the first place and after I explained to her that I am in no way going to get married at the G-Tab or by anyone from the G-Tab she suddenly changes her opinion about us being selfish and getting married here. AHHHHHH! You know it would make me feel like a real asshole to cancel everything down in Maryland call all my family and tell them that things have changed and I will have to reinform them when the wedding will take place and where and then call everyone back and be like "My bad LOL JK the wedding is still on sorry I keep going back and forth on this, hope I didn't ruin any plans you made for that time. LOLZ" I mean that would make me a real asshole for sure. UGH! I feel like I am constantly arguing with myself and that I can never please anyone. I don't know. I guess I should have just stuck with the original plan and not cancelled everything. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am always thinking that everyone hates me or is out to get me. I don't know why.... I really just want everyone to like me and I want to please everyone. But I guess no one can really do that. I wish I were not so paranoied all the time. I think life would be a whole lot easier that way. I don't like to think that I am crazy, but I guess I am just one big box of crazy! Anyhow... I was really angry when I found out that everyone was deciding to come down anyways and wanted us to just get married down there. It really hurt my feelings that some people would first take the time to make me feel bad about the cost of coming down and that it was taking away from their time and then go on to say how we shouldn't have cancelled the plans. I suppose I should just get over it but it really bothers me. Ugh! Well anyways that is the past and I am now going to be planning a wedding for up here in Coudersport. I have to start fresh of course. But first things first I have to book a wedding venue. So I will just start from there. In other news I found out that I cannot get my driving permit because of truency issues I had in the EIGHTH grade! I swear that this is the dumbest shit I have ever heard of. But apparently I was supposed to fill out some form of agknowledgement of suspension and send that in and serve a suspension of nine months before I could get my permit. OMFG I WAS THIRTEEN! First of all this makes no sense because I was a minor child and I could not be held responsable for filling out forms without my mothers consent. Secondly it should have been stricken from my record when I turned eighteen almost 5 years ago! Anyways so now they want me to fill out the form I was talking about and serve a suspension of nine months before I can be considered to even take a permit test in Maryland. Then after I get my permit in Maryland I would have to wait six more months to take a class that consists of like 60 hours before I can take my drivers test to get my actual drivers license. I am going to be almost twenty five before that happens if I can't get this whole mess figured out. But I am working on that right now. Well I gave you all the bad news, I guess I should try for some good.... Indiana is doing great she is so smart and strong. She started crawling and climbing and she does this new thing where she will reach up to Nate or me so that we will pick her up. She also sits up all on her own. She loves listening to music and she is very good at playing with her toys. She used to just eat them, but now she shows interest in what her toys do. I am glad that I can at least have two good things in my life that are a constant. I think it keeps me from going completely off the edge. Well anyways, I am done now.